Neil Patrick Harris Chooses Not to Find Out Which Twin Is Biologically His – Get to Know His 14-Year-Old Kids

Neil Patrick Harris and His Partner Prioritize Love Over Biology in Parenting Their Twins

David Burtka and Neil Patrick Harris at the opening night of “God of Carnage” on April 27, 2023, in New York. | Source: Getty Images

David Burtka and Neil Patrick Harris at the Golden Heart Awards 2023 benefiting God’s Love We Deliver at The Glasshouse on October 16 in New York. | Source: Getty Images

While the couple may have their own suspicions about which child is biologically theirs, they have deliberately chosen not to confirm it. Now, as their twins step into their teenage years, Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka reflect on their parenting journey and the lessons they’ve learned along the way.

From Hollywood Stardom to Building a Family

Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka at the premiere of “Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantánamo Bay” at the Cinerama Dome on April 17, 2008, in Hollywood, California. | Source: Getty Images

Neil and David first met in 2004 in New York City through a mutual friend. At the time, Neil, best known for Doogie Howser, M.D. and How I Met Your Mother, initially assumed David was dating their friend. However, David—an actor and chef—was in a relationship with someone else. Despite this, Neil was immediately drawn to him.

Their relationship began after an awkward but memorable first conversation at a party. They quickly fell in love and moved in together within months. Their love story came full circle when David proposed at the exact street corner where they first met, and Neil reciprocated with his own proposal on Valentine’s Day.

David Burtka and Neil Patrick Harris at the 61st Annual Tony Awards afterparty on June 11, 2007. | Source: Getty Images

David Burtka and Neil Patrick Harris at the 63rd Annual Tony Awards on June 7, 2009, in New York. | Source: Getty Images

Years later, they embraced a new chapter: parenthood. On October 12, 2010, the couple welcomed their twins, Harper Grace and Gideon Scott, via surrogacy. In an interview, Neil shared that they implanted two embryos—one using his sperm and one using David’s—hoping at least one would take. In a twist of fate, both did, resulting in their fraternal twins.

Choosing Not to Know Biology—And Focusing on Love

From the start, Neil and David made a conscious decision not to determine which twin is biologically linked to whom. In an interview with Barbara Walters, Neil confirmed, “We are their parents, and I love them implicitly.”

Despite their choice, David once jokingly suggested they had their own theories. “The girl is, I think, mine, and the boy is his. He’s a little more heady and intellectual, while she’s just like, ‘Hey, everybody, I’m here!’” he shared with a laugh.

Now that Harper and Gideon are teenagers, their unique personalities continue to shape their family dynamics. Neil reflected, “You spend so much time trying to instill values in your kids, and then they grow up, and suddenly, they don’t like you anymore. Now we get to see how it all plays out.”

Parenting with Flexibility and Love

Neil and David emphasize adaptability in their parenting style. Rather than being rigid, they prioritize open communication and understanding. “If you’re too strict, it leads to unnecessary conflict,” Neil explained. “We have rules, but we adjust as they grow.”

Discipline is another carefully managed aspect of their household. David admitted that he and Neil take different approaches to ensure their kids experience a balanced upbringing. While one may be stricter, the other takes a softer approach, ensuring Harper and Gideon don’t just adapt to one parenting style.

Navigating technology has also been a challenge. Neil shared, “We don’t want them glued to screens, but at the same time, that’s all they want to do. It’s tough because I love video games, too—I’m torn between being the strict parent and the one who wants to play along.”

David Burtka and Neil Patrick Harris with their twins from a post dated June 19, 2022. | Source: Instagram/nph

Despite the challenges, the couple takes pride in the family they’ve built. “We keep hearing that one day, they’ll hate us,” Neil joked at the 2023 Golden Heart Awards. “But so far, so good!”

David added, “They’re good kids. You put the work in, and you get it back.”

A Love That Keeps Growing

Neil and David, together for over a decade before tying the knot in 2014, have built their relationship on love, trust, and communication. Their wedding in Italy was officiated by their friend, How I Met Your Mother director Pam Fryman, and featured a special performance by Elton John.

David has credited communication and therapy as keys to their long-lasting marriage. “We started couples therapy before there were any issues, so when things do come up, we have a mediator to help us through,” he shared.

For Neil and David, parenting isn’t about DNA—it’s about the love, guidance, and support they provide to their children. As Harper and Gideon continue to grow, their fathers remain committed to embracing every stage of their journey, ensuring their home is always filled with laughter, love, and unwavering support.